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Sunday, May 13th 2012

8:55 PM

Sorry, but it's my only place to vent

Thanks so much for your thoughtful comments and support, Sissy, daydreamer, Adamsdarling, lijebeck, patina and CameraChic. I appreciate it.

I really hate to come on here and complain, but it is my main place to vent. Rest assured I'm not trolling for sympathy, but I do indeed appreciate your kind words. I just can't bend the ears of friends or family as much as I need to, so I come here. I try not to, but this is my venting site, so, dear readers, you bear the brunt of that.

With Hubs, I feel responsible for his health. It's like, I feel by the sheer force of my will, I can keep him alive. Every time he made a mistake, I felt like I should have foreseen them and stopped them. He had a huge mistake in doing his home dialysis that caused a major infection and resulted in him having to switch back from peritoneal dialysis back to hemodialysis for several months. That was a major bummer, and I felt so responsible for it. Every time he forgets his meds, I feel like I should have reminded him. Each night (he takes his final meds of the day at 8 p.m.), I obsessively check his pill container to make sure it's empty. Once in a great while, I find his pills and take them up for him to take a couple of hours late. A couple of times a year, he forgets totally, and I have forgotten to double-check him and then I kick myself for falling down on the job. I always feel like I'm his backstop and I hate when I fail.

Sissy, I can't even imagine 34 cats. That's horrible. There are about six in our immediate area, and they all come in our yard because the neighbors on either side of us have dogs. I guess we'll have to get a dog to keep the cats at bay.

DD, I'm glad to hear you and your family are so healthy. I hope it continues for many, many years.

AD, the drugs cause skin cancer all on their own. At his surgery he had last year, he was in a room with four or five other patients all of whom had skin cancer on their noses or ears. Hubs was the only one in the room with skin cancer on his belly, a place that never sees the light of day. He has had it other places as well, but it's because of the drugs.

patina, that was my thought exactly: What kind of side effects will new drugs bring? I just don't want to go through anything like that anymore. I dunno.

CC, thanks. I was thinking about you and your mom today. I know it's a tough one for you.

lijebeck, you're exactly right: All any of us can do is keep plugging along. And the person who is the picture of health can go tomorrow. However, it would be nice not to be thinking about it all the time.

So there it is. Dang, I have to quit with these long posts!

Weather has been absolutely gorgeous beyond all my wildest dreams the last few days, and it's supposed to be nice for the rest of the week. So yay for sunshine and it's time to get my yard work on. It looks like the danger of frost is finally over and it's time to plant some flowers, bay-bee!
0 What they think / Whattya think?

Thursday, May 10th 2012

9:11 PM

Life is hard; work is hard; and the potatoes are up

Well lijebeck, I would think it was just me, but hubs is having the same problems. At night we keep alternating between having the bedroom window open and closed. I figure by the middle of May, I should be able to keep the windows open. At least the heat hasn't been coming on, so that's something. I have yet to have a hot flash, so maybe it won't happen to me. It just could be I'm not going to have them. Who knows.

I have been bummin' of late. Hubs has another round with skin cancer, and he has to have a biopsy procedure in a week or so where they drill the core out of the center until they get it all. It's on his neck this time. I can't count how many times he's had it so far, but I think this makes about 10. This is the third more serious type that they've had to do a surgical procedure on (rather than just burn them off like they have done with a lot of them).

One of the drugs he takes causes it. It's a known cause of the drug. So OK. But it's frustrating and scary. And his two main anti-rejection drugs have now gone generic, so that means they're really old and there are lots of new drugs on the market now. And these new drugs probably don't cause the same kinds of side-effects and may even work better but ... it's scary to think about changing, because what if they don't? What if he changes and they don't work properly and his body rejects his organs before they can catch it?

See? It's scary. Sometimes it drives me nearly crazy living like this. Are there people in the world who live without any health problems, because I don't know many. There have to be some, I'm sure.

Anyway, so we'll have to make an appointment and trek the 350 miles over to the transplant center to see about some new meds for hubs. I don't wanna but we've gotta. But I don't wanna.

See? I'm just a downer. That's why I haven't felt like writing here.

In other news, my potatoes are up, which is exciting. I love me some new potatoes. My onions seem to be doing well, if only I could keep all the neighbor cats out of the beds, because one of them dug around in that bed tonight and broke off several of the onion shoots. I hate their owners for letting them roam like they do.

And work is hard. And Hubs still doesn't have a job. And that is all for now.
6 What they think / Whattya think?

Wednesday, May 2nd 2012

10:17 PM

I demand a certain kind of weather

DD, I always think there's something to be said for family longevity. In my neck of the woods, though, furniture stores and funeral homes were not affiliated. I've just been going into that funeral home (it's fairly small) since I was a little kid and it is comforting because it's familiar.

AD, it wouldn't be so bad working those hours if I got paid for them. It's frustrating to work for what is basically a lower wage the longer I work. I dunno. I don't see things changing for the foreseeable future.

Yesterday it was eight months since my dad died. I think about him every single damn day, but I think about his death on the first of each month. I can't help it. And for some reason, yesterday I counted the months. For some reason, I was thinking it had been four or five months. I counted it out, and then I had to count it again on my frickin' fingers because I couldn't believe it has been eight months already.

I'm ready for summer, but the weather says it feels like staying winter. It's not snowing or anything, but it's cold. Since I swapped my clothes out already, I'm still wearing capris and shorts, damnit. I have no sweaters or long sleeves, so I'm wearing jackets a lot.

Sunday was so gorgeous, I worked in the yard in shorts and a tank top. Let's have some consistency: sun all day and rain at night. 
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Sunday, April 29th 2012

11:34 PM

Company came and went

Had a fun weekend with all my grlzzzzzzz here. My three cousins (all sisters) and my big sister came here to visit for the weekend and stay three nights with us. We had a fantastic time. I have a large extended family but I don't have any near me, and I haven't lived near family since I was 22 years old. So it was wonderful to have playmates for the weekend.

Good times.

Of course, that means today I had three sets of bedding to wash and there are still lots of towels to wash. My brother is coming into town to stay for one night Thursday so he can bring his daughter home from college, so I have to get at least one bed remade so he has a place to sleep.

No rest for the weary. And not for the wicked, either.
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Wednesday, April 25th 2012

8:31 PM

Working, working, working

I haven't updated in some time. I had seven comments and all were spam.  Ah well.

There isn't much going on in my life other than the same shit, different day. I have been working very long hours (10 to 11 hours per day) and I'm too old for this. But not much choice, so I'll keep plowing ahead.

I've spent the last four months or so designing and creating the headstone for my dad's (and eventually my mom's) grave. I started from scratch -- I didn't want a lot of stock stuff -- and it came out pretty well. I had to run all the designs by my three sibs, of course, so it has taken awhile with a lot of back-and-forth emails, but it's finally done. I did one piece of really cool original graphic that I am particularly proud of. I've never seen it on any other headstone, so I'm happy. I don't draw it myself -- I can't draw. But I described it and chicken-scratched it out and the artist brought it to life for me.

What's really nice is I was working with the funeral home where my family has been buried from for generations. My great-grandparents were buried from there, my grandparents and now my father. And, of course, all my cousins, aunts and uncles. It's comforting to return again and again to such a familiar place that is still family owned. So many funeral homes now are just parts of giant chains -- I don't like it.

However, it's still hard for me to believe he's gone.

We've finally gotten some decent weather and I got some time, so I planted some potatoes and some Walla Walla Sweet Onions. A roma tomato plant will come later when the ground warms up a little more. No sense in rushing them into the ground because they won't do much growing now anyway. Better to leave them nice and toasty in the nursery greenhouse.

I'm considering getting a Kindle Fire. Anyone out there have one? I've talked to three people who have them, but I'm soliciting new opinions.

War, out.
2 What they think / Whattya think?

Monday, April 9th 2012

9:56 PM

Easter with Mom

Lijebeck, I think that's fair as well. Hubs is going to have his work cut out for him this week because we're having overnight company several times in the next few weeks, so he's going to have a LOT of house cleaning to do. I have to work even more hours than I have been working lately, and this week is going to be an absolute bear. So he's really going to have to step up and get to work as a househusband.

So I just got back today from a super quick trip to see my mom and spend Easter with the family. We always have a big family gathering for Thanksgiving and Easter. We had 20 there for dinner and we had a great time. We drove 350 miles to stay with my sister and when we got there, I zipped over to where Mom lives to see her Saturday. She was really "there" and very responsive and with it, which was nice.

Sunday, we went to get her for dinner and she was a little out of it. At one point, she announced she had to get home so she could figure out where her husband is. This would be my dad who died in August.  She also has been having hallucinations, which is disturbing, and so frustrating to her.

So Sunday wasn't quite as good, because I was on a medium medical alert for her the entire afternoon. On the up side, we had a great meal.

Hubs and I left town today to drive home and my sister went over to see Mom again and she was doing better and slept really well last night. I think she was pretty tired after her long day.

So it was a long weekend, driving 700 miles round trip, so we're tired, but it was good to see Mom.

And now I am going to have a real drag of a week at work, so I think I'll go try to get some sleep.
0 What they think / Whattya think?

Tuesday, April 3rd 2012

9:31 PM

A good pick up line

DD, I really do love that song. I've heard many versions. It just got way into my head after reading that book. I suppose when the movie comes out in a few years, it's all I'll be able to sing for weeks.

Afton, I'm sorry but I was even disappointed in how that bit came out. I didn't like Peeta much, good or not. I thought he was smart enough, but I just didn't like him much. I much prefer Gale. And I was very disappointed by how Kat comported herself. I hope somehow they change everything for the movie and make it better. 

You know, come to think of it, I don't really like any of the characters in the books all that much. I guess if there's one I like a little it's, Finnick. But he's pretty marginal. I just don't like any of the main characters, I guess.

Dang that third book. Had to go and ruin everything for me.

So hubs has been having trouble with his truck dying when he comes to a stop sign or light, so today, he took it down to the mechanic who said they'd have to keep it until tomorrow. So he had them give him a ride over to where I work and stole my car. OK, so he called to tell me he was stealing it, but still. He took it home.

I was supposed to call him for a ride. But I've been working very long hours, and I don't even go out for lunch or take a lunch break most days anymore. Most days I bring my lunch and eat at my desk, working straight through with no breaks. Finally tonight I walk out of the building about 6:30 p.m. and I head toward where I park my car (in a lot about a block away) and ... no car. Then I remembered.

So I called hubs, and cursed several times at my lack of memory. I did not want to sit there for 20 minutes waiting for him, so I told him I'd start walking down Main Street and he could just drive up behind me and grab me. It was quite sunny and warm today and it was still nice by then, so it worked out well. I'd wanted to go on a walk after work anyway, so this way I got 20 minutes of walking in and wasn't standing there bored. I listened to my audio book while I walked and it was quite nice. Eventually hubs drove up behind me and picked me up to drive home.

And tomorrow he has to get up and drive me to work, but I don't feel bad because I now have to work five days a week to support him. I think he should make himself useful by totally landscaping the backyard, which is a giant pile of weeds but he won't do it.

What do you think?
2 What they think / Whattya think?

Thursday, March 29th 2012

10:33 PM

Hungry for a better "Mockingjay"

Yeah CC, I don't even think twice about talking like that.

I got a stone marker to place in front of my dad's rose, and hubs picked it up for me this week. I'm also finishing up the grave marker for my dad (and mom, when she dies) for his grave which is 350 miles from where I live. It's one of the reasons I wanted to plant a rose and have a marker here -- I just won't get to see his grave very often since I live so far away. I've designed the marker and I am really happy with it. I came up with something for it that I have never seen on any other marker, so I'm pleased with the originality and how much it tells about my folks' lives.

I have been putting in such long days at work, it is wearing me out. The worst part is working straight through with no breaks. I bring a lunch and eat at my desk. Tuesday was 10 hours and Wednesday was 11 hours, both straight through. I took a lunch break today and paid the price because I didn't get home until 7 p.m. 

I'm too old for this.

So I finally finished "The Hunger Games" series. I read the first book and listened to the second two and I will just say the second book was my favorite and I was incredibly disappointed in the third book. I expected an amazing finish and instead I was bored to tears. That's what took me so long to finish. With "Catching Fire" I could not stop listening because it was so gripping, but with "Mockingjay" it was just a slog and I finished it because I felt like I had to. I kept thinking, "Maybe something really cool will happen at the very end." But no, it didn't. Dullsville.

Hubs and I went to the movie Sunday morning and we both enjoyed it. There are supposed to be three more movies, so I hope they can make something better out of that third book.

The other thing about the third book is it had me constantly singing "Mockingbird Hill." If you've never heard the song, it's an oldie that is very sing-song-y and addicting. I can't stop.
2 What they think / Whattya think?

Thursday, March 22nd 2012

10:18 PM

The rose

Sorry lijebeck.  Just a figure of speech commonly used in my line of work. Yes, my friend "shot" him with a camera.

In other news, I'm slowly getting a handle on things. The months since hub's place of work was sold and they terminated all the employees have put us into quite a bit of turmoil, as you might imagine. But we're trying to adjust to the new reality.

Our weather has been all over the map. This week it's been cold and yesterday it rained pretty much nonstop, so much so that there were flood warnings issued. It's really good for the shrubs and trees, so I'm OK with it.

The crocuses are blooming, and the daffodils and hyacinth have budded, but not bloomed yet. Last weekend I planted a rose in my dad's memory. So now that's Dad's rose. He liked growing roses and taught me how to prune and take care of them. I have a bunch of them out in front of our house that I planted as soon as we moved in almost 20 years ago. Or at least, I planted a couple each year as I could afford to buy them. I hadn't bought one in years, so I bought one this year, one of Dad's favorite, and we planted it.  

I just needed something here, since I'm 350 miles from his grave. It helps a little.

"Just remember in the winter
far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed, that with the sun's love
In the spring, becomes the rose."
1 What they think / Whattya think?

Sunday, March 18th 2012

7:30 PM

Anyone watching "The River"?

Busy, busy weekend, folkses. We met some friends Saturday for the annual Scandinavian breakfast the next town over. Then hubs and I drove to the next town over the opposite direction to see a historical film ... except the film was showing Sunday and not Saturday.

Dang.

But we went back today to see it, and I'm glad we did. It was a great historical film about all the ranch families that live way up the river canyon, miles and miles from the nearest town. They raised families there too, and they got their mail once a week by river boat, which had to navigate some pretty nasty waters.

It almost made me cry to see all the family photos because they were from so long ago and it reminded me of my dad and all his family photos.

I had to take a day off without pay Friday. Everyone in our company does for the first quarter. I hope it helps. And I hope we don't have to do it again but we probably will. I worked in the yard, and hubs and I planted a rose. I also called my mom's place and talked to her for a bit. She has such a hard time remembering things.

Hubs and I also hung three photos a photographer friend of mine made for me of a famous person he shot. I've been wanting to get them hung for the longest time. He was going to make me one, and then I couldn't choose so he made me all three. Sweet.

Has anyone else watched "The River"? Hubs and I have watched every episode and it just keeps getting more and more intense. I am a nervous wreck watching that show. Next week is the finale, and I don't know if it will be back for another season. I kind of doubt it because I never hear anyone else watching it. But dang, it is intense. It's almost a relief every week when it's over. But I really need to know how it ends.
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